Because I Love Him, I am Patient with Him ~ How I overcame “Me” to be Patient with “Him”



I don’t want to be romantic about patience, but it is, all about love (1 Corinth. 13:4).  I believe patience is an essential and beautiful display of love in marriage. When I married Jason, I vowed before God to permanently unify my journey of life with his. Patience gives me and my husband the ability to persist in loving each other through difficult or frustrating situations. Love expressed through patience is essentially saying, “I will lovingly wait for you and facilitate a loving atmosphere for us to grow together.”

Now with that being said, it was definitely a process for me to become a patient wife.  Patience can only be manifested under antagonistic conditions. I can’t speak for everybody, but when challenges present themselves, especially in my marriage; my flesh likes to volunteer itself as a hindrance to responding correctly. There were two specific stumbling blocks I had to avoid when I wanted to be patient.

At first, what reared itself was pride. It was very enticing to look down at my husband because I am stronger than he is in particular areas. When I was prideful, even my approach to help him was unconsciously and sorry to say, effortlessly; condescending. I don’t have to tell you how counterproductive that is. Nobody likes to be treated or perceived less than who they are, especially from their spouse. My arrogant pride, had done, just that. Definitely not the most loving way to help someone. However, pride didn’t distract me very long. God reminded me that I didn’t just jump out the womb, knowing the things I know. I had to go through the process of learning, and I wasn’t taught just for my benefit. I was also being prepared to become a resourceful, life-long helpmate to my husband. Besides, Jason is stronger in areas that I struggle with. I am pretty sure patience with me is much required in those areas. Moreover, God also recapped how patient He has been, and still is with me. That reminder, pretty much shut down any temptation to be prideful.


Secondly, perhaps the biggest struggle, the one I really found to have enmity with my patience, was selfishness. The Bible says that love isn’t selfish or self-seeking (1 Corinthians 13:5). Patience unites where selfishness divides. I say “where” because the exact place where patience is needed; selfishness volunteers itself as an instrument of division in marriage. In my selfishness, I have found myself thinking, “I know this. Why can’t he figure it out?  Why can’t he just…..or why do I have to deal with this and I already know this?”  My selfish thinking had me completely dismiss myself from my role in my husband’s journey for success. Which means we both were in position to fail. Selfishness puts me in position to fail as his helpmeet; and him in position to fail because I left him without one.  Patience has always challenged me to think outside of myself.  It demands that I intimately connect my development of maturity to my husband’s development of maturity.

Essentially, we are growing as One.  Patience has become a motivator for praying more, speaking in Love, consistency in my worship, exercising wisdom, gaining understanding, and learning how to function as One with my husband. Doing these things has made me not only a better wife, but spiritually stronger and disciplined.  My husband is also growing in a loving atmosphere that empowers him to be all God has called him to be.  I have found peace in being patient because I am more focused on the bigger picture. I love him better in patience, than in frustration.


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